When Bored On The Ark, Do Not
by Autobotschic
Summary: Stuff you really shouldn't do on the Ark when bored, but most Bots do so anyway.
1. Glue Ratchet's tools to the ceiling

****Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers, only my OCs used in this book.

OCs in this chapter; Shadow Stalker

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**Glue Ratchet's tools to the ceiling****.  
**

"I'll put it bluntly, Ratchet is going to have our faces," Shadow Stalker stated, crossing her arms over her chest.

Sideswipe pouted, giving the black femme puppy dog eyes. Sunstreaker crossed his fingers behind his back, hoping the femme wouldn't help them, she always lead them into deeper scrap.

"Pwwwease?" Sideswipe whimpered. Shadow smirked, pushing herself off the counter.

"I never did say I wouldn't..." she chuckled, "what did you guys have in mind?"

The Twins exchanged mischievous grins, before they turned to Shadow, who raised an optic ridge in return.

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"And this is why i greatly enjoy the quiet days," Shadow snickered, staring at Med Bay's ceiling, which currently had Ratchet's tools glued to it.

Sideswipe moved and laid a hand on the femme's shoulder. "You are officially an honorary Twins, welcome to the club," he chuckled with a grin.

Shadow grinned, crossing her arms over her chest. "I'm honored, now let's bolt before Ratch shows."

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Shadow dashed down the hallway in wolf mode, panting, the Twins close behind her.

"Run away! Run away!' the trio chanted, dashing away from an angry medic.

"You get your afts back here or I'll tear you apart and make toasters from your scrap metal!" Ratchet snarled, holding a wrench the trio had missed in his hand.

"Run away! Run away!" was the chanted reply. Ratchet roared, winding up to throw the wrench. He tripped over a roll of duct tape, and fell to the ground, his wrench sliding just out of reach.

Shadow slid to a halt, turning around and grinning evilly. "CHARGE!"

The three charged, and sat on Ratchet, who groaned, straining and reaching forward for his wrench. Shadow took her place between his shoulders, and each Twin on a side.

Ratchet growled, straining against the weight as he tried to reach the wrench. "Come...here..."

The trio watched failed attempt after failed attempt to grab the wrench, giggling madly.

They sat on the poor CMO for a good hour or so before Prowl showed up, stopping and taking in the seen. He then smirked, and the trio's optics widened as the SIC kicked the wrench to Ratchet.

THe three exchanged glances, before leaping away and chanting, "Run away! Run away!"

Ratchet quickly bolted upright, and Prowl retreated down the hall. Ratchet took aim, and flicked his wrist expertly, sending it hurtling towards his target.

Sunstreaker yelped loudly, falling to the floor in wrench induced stasis lock. The remaining pair quickened their pace, now yelling, "Run for your slaggin life!"

Ratchet quickly got to his feet, shooting forward and snatching his wrench, before flinging it towards his next target. Sideswipe fell to the ground, taking after his brother's fate. _And then there was one..._ Ratchet thought to himself with a devilish smirk, reaching down and grabbing his wrench before chasing down the remaining prankster.

"Scrap scrap scrap Scrap scrap scrap SLAG!" Shadow cursed loudly, ducking the wrench that was thrown at her, then sliding head first into a dead end, knocking herself out.

Ratchet grinned, grabbing the KOed wolf and swinging her over his shoulder, before going back to claim his other two prizes.

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_Half Hour Later..._

Shadow held a cold Energon pack to her head, leaning against the wall as she sat in bipedal mode on a medical berth, the Twins sitting on a berth next to her.

Shadow looked at them, and gave a small smirk. "So, any other bright ideas you two?"

The Twins looked at each other, and then back to the femme, "Well..."

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The plot bunnies will not give me a break... This might very well turn into a book instead of a one shot... Ya, this is going to be a book... Review!


	2. Host A High Grade Party

Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers, only my OCs used in this book.

OCs in this chapter; Shadow Stalker, Skipjack

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**Host a High Grade Party Without Prowl or Prime's permission****.  
**

Sideswipe vigorously dug through the cabinet of Lambo Twin's Special Home Brewed Energon. _Where did Sunny put it..._ Sideswipe thought to himself with a growl, finally spotting the rather large stash in the back. "YES!" Sideswipe cackled, snatching it and holding up some home brewed High Grade. Sunny then walked into the two's shared quarters, holding his own cube. The two exchanged grins, before knocking their cubes together. "Let the party begin!"

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_Rec. Room; 19:00 (7:00 pm)_

Jazz surveyed the scene with a grin. The Rec. Room was full of strobe lights, and a whole table filled with the Twins' famous home brewed High Grade. Blaster (amazingly, not drunk) was managing the DJ position, various bots stumbling around, while Sides and Sunny where giggling madly, watching a drunken Cliffjumper trying to dance with an even more wasted Skipjack. Sides must have spotted Jazz out of the corner of his optic, for he turned and waved.

Jazz's grin got wider as he trotted over to the red frontliner's side. "Man! Great party!"

"Welcome, Jazz! Have a cube!" Sideswipe chirped, hanging the TIC a high grade cube. Jazz happily accepted it, quickly chugging it down.

"Don't mind if I do," Jazz giggled, moving over to the High Grade table.

"He's going to get majorly wasted," Sunny stated, glancing at Sideswipe.

"I know." was the reply with a large grin.

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_Hallway outside of Optimus Prime's Quarters; 21:30 (9:30 pm)_

"Anyone else find it suspicious that none of the troops have been wandering around lately?" Shadow asked, looking between Prowl and Prime.

"Very. I haven't even heard Wheeljack blow himself up lately," Prowl replied with a huff, his doorwings twitching.

"Or Ratchet throwing his wrenches and his patients-" Prime started, getting cut off as Jazz stumbled towards them, his visor flickering wildly.

"Why... 'ello," Jazz giggled, leaning against a wall near the trio, giggling madly.

"Jazz...?" Optimus questioned.

Jazz ignored his leader, his head turning towards Prowl.

"My my.." Jazz giggled, hiccuping, " Mai lil' angel, did it hurt when ya fell from heaven?"

Prowl stood in shocked silence, his doorwings arched up into a perfect "V", while Prime's optics widened slightly, Shadow cupping a hand to her mouth to prevent herself from a fit of laughter.

Jazz giggled, stumbling towards the SIC, arms outstretched. Jazz proceeded to trip over his two feet, falling onto Prowl with a large grin.

Prowl stumbled for a second, his doorwings flicking madly to regain his balance at the sudden weight of the saboteur.

"He's drunk." Shadow stated matter-o-fact.

Prowl shot the black and silver femme a venomous glare, adjusting Jazz in his grip. "I had no idea. Come on Jazz, let's get you back to your quarters," the tactician huffed.

"Yes, my master," Jazz purred, leaning up to land a kiss on Prowl's cheek, but passed out instead.

Shadow began to snicker insanely, pressing her servo close to her mouth.

Prowl growled, dragging the TIC back to his quarters, muttering curses the entire way.

Shadow looked up at Prime, her laughter fit done. "Do you.."

Prime held up a hand. "I know full well what happened just by this little instance, and I just hope they're ready for Prowl's wrath tomorrow."

Shadow grinned, rubbing her hands tomorrow. "Intense training course?"

"Precisely," Prowl stated, reappearing.

"I'll go ready the land mines!" the over enthusiastic femme chirped, dashing away, the remaining duo exchanged glances, Prime's was worried, while Prowl's was almost enthusiastic.

"Good night, Sir." Prowl chirped with an evil smirk, swiftly moving away and down the hall, leaving a worried Prime.

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_Next Morning; 4: 30 am._

A loud screech rang through the base loud speakers, followed after by a smooth and cheery but sinister femme's voice. "Good morning Ark crew! We have a special surprise for you all today!"

A mech's baritone voice took over. " We are having intense training today, so you are all to report outside immediately."

"Unless you wish to scrub the brig ceiling to floor and everything in between. Have a good day!" the femme's voice chirped before all was silent, except for the halls filled with groans of hung over mechs.

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_In The Twins' Quarters..._

"Curse the day Prowl was sparked," Sideswipe cursed, curling up as his processor pounded.

"And the day Shadow arrived from Cybertron," Sunny spat, pressing the pillow that smelled oddly of processed energon against his head.

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Hehehe. Twin torture... Hope you all liked, review!


	3. Laser Pointers and Shiny Objects

Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers, only my OCs used in this book.

OCs in this chapter; Shadow Stalker

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**Taunt Shadow Stalker or Prowl with shiny objects, or Lasers****.  
**

Sideswipe dug through his spoon collection, smiling to himself. "Sunny, bro! Did ya find the laser pointer?" Sideswipe asked, snatching a shiny silver spoon.**  
**

"Ya buddy! This is gonna be great!" Sunstreaker cackled, appearing behind his brother and holding a transformer sized laser pointer.

"They will kill us, but it will _so_ be worth it!" Sideswipe said with a grin, "Alright, move out for Operation: Shiny Laser."

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_Rec Room; 10:00_

Shadow Stalker laid on the ground in wolf form, quietly recharging near her sparkmate's legs. A red dot suddenly appeared in front of her, and her optic snapped open, soon followed by her other one. She studied the dot curiously, and it suddenly lurched forward. Shadow growled,lunging forward and trapping the dot between her paws. She smirked, before noticing it had moved to the left of her. She growled, lunging forward and snapping at the dot.

That blasted little thing escaped her again! Shadow snarled, beginning her rampage to try and catch the infuriating little red blob. She knocked over some tables, and tipping over an irate Cliffjumper and grumbling Ratchet. It finally disappeared behind the couch, causing Shadow to leap down into the crack and get stuck, her tail thrashing wildly as she tried to wiggle herself free.

The Lambo Terror Twins dashed out of the Rec Room from behind the bar, cackling madly at the black winged wolf's fate.

A loud feminine roar echoed through the Ark. "TWINS!"

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_Hallway near Prowl's Office; 13:00 (1:00 pm)  
_

"That was utterly hilarious," Sideswipe giggled, twirling his spoon in his hand.

"Shadow looked like a little kitty," Sunstreaker said with a grin.

"And now for Prowl and his odd habit of chasing shiny objects," Sideswipe said with a devious smirk.

"Let the fun continue."

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_Prowl's Office; 13:30 (1:30 pm)_

Sideswipe tied a fishing line to his spoon, tossing it against Prowl's office, then letting out some line and running towards the Rec. Room, reel in hand as Sunny dashed after him.

Prowl peeked out of his office, hearing something lightly bang against it. His wings twitched agitatedly, until he noticed a small flash. Prowl looked down, spying a shiny spoon. He quickly looked down the hall, making sure it was clear, before he leaned down to pick it up.

The spoon jerked away, and Prowl instantly became suspicious. The suspicion was over come by the shininess of the object, though, and Prowl lunged for it again. The spoon escaped his grasp, and Prowl bared his denta, chasing the shiny object for his collection. What he didn't notice though, was the small spy camera embedded in the wall...

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_Rec Room; 14:00 (2:00 pm)  
_

"Dude, this is just sad. Prowler has been chasing that thing for over half an hour," Sideswipe stated with a raised optic ridge, watching the SIC lunge for the spoon yet again.

"No, it's fragging funny." Sunnny replied with a small growl, "Let him chase it into the Rec. Room."

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_Rec Room; 15:00 (3:00 pm)_

"Bro, he's still after that spoon..."

"Seriously, Sunny? It's been almost an hour since he started chasing it!"

"I know, Sides."

"Wait, here he comes!" Sides yipped, watching Prowl lunge towards the spoon and grab it, landing on the ground of the Rec Room with a triumphant grin.

All the optics turned towards him with a curious look. "Prowler?" Jazz asked, his visor slightly brighter then normal.

Prowl looked up, his smile gone. "Umm..."

Optimus raised an optic ridge, watching his SIC. Shadow finally pulled herself loose of the couch, tumbling backwards. "TWINS!"

Prowl looked towards Shadow, and slowly stood, quickly subspacing the soon and brushing his knees off. "Optimus, Jazz.."

The Twins exchanged looks as Prowl's unnerving look landed on them.

"Run." Prowl and Shadow stated in harmony, advancing on the two.

The two wasted no time in bolting out of the room, the SIC and Elite warrior on their heels.

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I can't seem to stop torturing these two.. Eh, they deserve it. XD Review!


	4. Call Trapjaw Anything Related To A Dog

Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers, only my OCs used in this book.

OCs in this chapter; Shadow Stalker, Trapjaw

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** Call Trapjaw anything relating to a dog.  
**

_(Rec. Room, 7:00)_  
Shadow Stalker was stretched out on the couch and over a bot's lap, watching the morning news, her tail wagging happily as Sideswipe scratched behind her ears.

"Any plans for today?" Shadow asked, glancing up to the red and black frontliner.

"Nope. Sunny got thrown in the brig for picking a fight with Hide, I'm all game today," he said with a yawn, stretching before resuming rubbing the she-wolf's head.

"Ahh. Hehe. Sunny should have figured it out by now, Hide never looses," she chuckled.

Sideswipe grinned, patting the black wolf's head, "One would think, eh?"

"One would think, Sides, one would think."

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_(Outside Red Alert's Security Room, 11:00)_

Trapjaw was padded down the hallway, engrossed in her own thinking. Red Alert, however, was engrossed in his security reports. The two collided, causing Trapjaw to go flying Over Red Alert, and Red to slam face first into the floor.

"Watch where your going!" She growled, picking herself off the floor and shaking her metallic coat.

"Maybe you should, you stupid dog!" Red Alert spat back, sitting up and rubbing his helm. "Stupid mutt."

Trapjaw spun around, her eyes glowing with rage. "_Excuse me_?"

"Watch where your going, you stupid dog," Red Alert repeated slowly, acting if the white she-wolf was nothing but a small sparkling.

"Run Red, Run."

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(Rec. Room, 11:30)

Sideswipe and Shadow Stalker had taken a simple step out of the Recreational Room, when the sound of a scream filled the hallway.

The duo exchanged glances, before their optics widened as they saw a blur of red and white streak past them.

"Was that Red Alert?" Shadow asked blankly, as if testing the statement.

A snarling white streak shot by, pursuing the red and white streak as another scream was heard.

"And Trapjaw?" Sideswipe added. Another scream filled the air as the sound of metal colliding with metal sounded.

"SHADOW STALKER!" an inraged yell sounded.

"I SWEAR TO PRIMUS IT WASN'T ME THIS TIME, PROWL!" Shadow Stalker howled back.

Prowl appeared before the two, his optics narrowed dangerously. "Care to inlighten me then to who's trying to offline who?"

Shadow Stalker opened her jaw, before another scream from Red Alert answered it.

"I DIDN'T MEAN IT, TRAPJAW!"

"COME BACK HERE RED ALERT AND TAKE IT LIKE A MECH, YOU COWARD!"

Shadow Stalker looked down the hall from where the shouting was heard, then back to the Datsun in front of her. "There's your answer, Prowl."

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(Outside the Ark, 13;30)

They had finally managed to pull the irate white she wolf off the tramatized Secruity Officer 2 hours and thirty minutes later.

It took Ironhide, Prowl, Sideswipe and Ratchet to hold her back, and Ratchet to put her into induced stasis.

Shadow Stalker watched with a small smirk as Bluestreak, Inferno, Bumblebee, and Jazz tried to comfort Red Alert, who as shaking like a leaf and sucking his thumb. He was missing pieces of armor here and there, and had a few nasty gashes.

"And that, dear Autobots, is why we never call Trapjaw anything related to a dog," Shadow Stalker stated with a small chuckle.

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Two updates in one day. I AM ON A ROLL. WOO! So this was a request to use Autobot Trapjaw's charrie in one of these one-shots. Request was granted. Hope you enjoy this, TJ! To all the others, review please!


	5. Boost, Okay!

Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers, only my OCs used in this book. And I do not own this plot idea, I found it in a comic and it humored me.

OCs in this chapter; None

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**Boost, Okay (Insert Victim's Name Here)!**

_(Rec. Room, 12:00)_

It was a generally quiet morning aboard the Ark. That should have been the first clue to the mass destruction to lay ahead for the poor, unsuspecting Autobots.

Jazz was watching Brawl argue with Powerglide, while Bumblebee kept tapping his shoulder.

"Jazz, please move!" the yellow mini bot whinned.

Jazz was to interested in the argument to notice, until he heard those fateful words.

"Boost, okay Jazz!" Arcee giggled, placing her hands on his aft and giving him a hard shove that sent him flying up.

"What th-!" Jazz yelped, crashing on the ground with a thud.

Arcee giggled, giving Bumblebee a high five. Bluestreak watched the group, the thoughts swirling around in his head like a typhoon. A devious smile spread across the Datsun's faceplates and he disappeared down the hall.  
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(Outside Bluestreak's Quarters, 12:15)

Sideswipe skipped along the corridor, Sunstreaker walking behind him silently. "Why did Blue want to see us?" Sunstreaker grumbled.

"He said he had something to show us," Sideswipe chirped in reply, spotting the Datsun ahead. "Hey Blue!"

Bluestreak waved eagerly. "Hey you two! Guess what I got for ya!" He said in a sing song voice.

Sunstreaker stopped in his tracks and narrowed his optics. "Whatever it is, it better not scratch my paint."

"It won't, don't worry Sunny! So anyways, I saw Jazz get a boost from Arcee today. I vote we have a competition to see who can do the most boosts to the most bots!"

Sideswipe raised an optic ridge, grinning while Sunstreaker clamped a hand over his mouth, and a loud pftt was heard.

"We're in."

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(Officer's Hallway, 12: 30)

Sideswipe peered out of a closet, looking for a victim for their newest scheme. "Sunflower..."

"Don't call me that!" Sunstreaker spat, peeking out of a closet across the hall.

Sideswipe grinned innocently, peering around. "Oh, it seems as if Hound has dropped something."

"Go. now."

The yellwo frontliner shot from his hiding spot, sneaking up behind the green scout who was leaning over to grab something.

"Boost, okay Hound!" Sunstreaker cackled, shoving Hound forward and into the air.

"Holy Frag!" Hound cursed, slamming into the ground.

"Retreat!" Sideswipe hollered, sprinting down the hallway with Sunstreaker following.

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(Hallway outside of Recreational Room: 12:45)

Sideswipe was whistling innocently, striding towards the Rec. Room when he spotted Ratchet leaning over to pick up something shiny and silver. The red Twin grinned broadly, shooting forward and shoving into the CMO. "Boost, okay Ratchet!"

Ratchet went flying forward, cussing vividly as he hit the floor. Sideswipe smirked, but that was wiped clean off his face when Ratchet got up and whirled around to face him, the object he had dropped in hand. His Wrench-O-Doom.

"SLAG!" Sideswipe cursed, twisting around and bolting down the hallway as Sunstreaker -who had been hiding in the ceiling vents- fell down and dashed after his Twin.

"COME BACK HERE YOU SLAGGERS!"

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(Outside the Shooting Range: 12:50)

Bluestreak was polishing his sniper rifle as he spotted Ironhide walking in. The Datsun smirked, running his glossa over his denta in anticipation. The rec mech spotted he young mech, grunting in a greeting. Bluestreak returned with a curt nod.

Ironhide fired a few shots, shooting down the drones with ease. The red mech moved onto the next target, jamming his clip into the magizine of the Cybertornian sized shot gun he had accquired.

The Weapons Specialist cursed as the clip fell out again, and he bent down to pick it up. Bluestreak saw his chance, grinning as he dashed forward. "Boost, okay Ironhide!" he chirped, giving the mech a hard shove.

Said mech went zooming forward and into the ground, where he got covered in paint balls from the Decepticon drones.

Bluestreak cackled, before fleeing faster then it took Ironhide to rip a drone to pieces.

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(Outside the Ark, 13:00)

Sideswipe and Sunstreaker were lounging outside, watching the other bots walk around. Optimus Prime came out with Prowl, and the tactician moved off to the left to go scold Tracks for trying to play Minibot Throw.

Optimus opened his subspace, and grabbed a data pad, in which in dropped on the ground. With a grunt, the Prime bent over to pick it up.

"It's so tempting..." Sideswipe cooed, stepping forward.

Sunstreaker shot forward, grabbing his Twin. "Sides, do you _want _death?!"

"B-"

"Boost, okay Prime!" a familier voice chirped in a sing song voice as Prime went slamming into the ground.

The Twins simply stared at Jazz in amazement. "Our hero," the said in unison blankly.

Optimus stood, brushing his armor off as he turned to face Jazz.

Jazz smirked, but that quickly disappeared when Optimus transformed, and quickly shot after his TOC, trying to run him over.

"Prowl! Put on my tombstone I regret nothing!" Jazz cackled, running away form the irate Prime.

Prowl facepalmed, shaking his head as Bluestreak snuck up behind him, grinning evillly.

"Boost, okay Prowl!"

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I love this comic. I found it on Facebook, so if I find it again, I'll post the link for you guys. Hope you enjoyed!


	6. Look up Will It Blend Clips

Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers, only my OCs used in this book. I found this on youtube, just look up Will It Blend -Transformers  Poor Bee...

OCs in this chapter; Shadow Stalker

Warning: Slight Gore. ish.

Code:

**_Comm. Link_**

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**Any looking up "Will It Blend" Clips. **

(Security Room: 14:00)

Bumblebee sat boredly typing stuff into Teletran 1, looking for anything in particular. When browsing a site called "Youtube." He watched several videos curiously, browsing this site as his usual optimistic self.

'Bee came across some music he liked, and listened to that for a while, 30 minutes to be exact. Finally he came across this peculiar looking man with a blender. "Hmm..."

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(Secuirty Room: 14:45)

Bumblebee stood blankly in front of the monitor, looking over towards the door as Jazz entered. "Hey Jazz!"

"Hey li'le Bee man. What's cracking?" Jazz asked, his visor flashing as he smirked.

"Youtube."

"Tha- Wait, wha? What's this 'Youtube'?"

"A website where humans post videos."

"Oh."

"Mmhmm."

Jazz bounded over to the screen, seeing a video of 'Will it Blend.' "Click on that one!"

"Alright," Bumblebee chirped, doing as said. He clicked on 'Will It Blend-Transformers.'

Both's mech's optics widened as they realized what was about to happen.

'He.. He's not going to blend it... is he?" Bumblebee asked.

His question was soon answered as the crazed man threw the Transformers in the blender and blended them.

Jazz stood there dumbfounded, while Bee - who had been one of the toys being blended - wept into his shoulder.

Shadow Stalker walked in, saw the last part, and walked out., comm. linking Wheeljack. **_Wheeljack, I need a time traveling machine STAT._**

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( On the Set Of 'Will It Blend.' The filming of The Transformers Episode)

"And now we'll see if it will blend!"

"It doesn't," Shadow Stalker stated, squashing the human as he was about to press the button. She calmly brushed the remains off of her servo and left without another word.

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Bit shorter then the rest of 'em, but whatever. I'm thinking I'm going to write about Transformers doing Gangam Style next... Any votes on that? Thanks for reading!


	7. Attempt to Find Narnia

Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers, only my OCs used in this book.

I promised you all gangnam style, but I'm sorry to say I couldn't write it. So instead, I invite you to look up PSY - GANGNAM STYLE (강남스타일) ft. TRANSFORMERS on youtube instead. Millions of times better then I could ever dream of writing.I thank my friend from creative writing for this idea. Our teacher calls us the "Sad, depressed group" XD And she has forever banned us from writing anything that has to with a parody of a Christmas Carol. I kid you not, this is what happened:

Me: Who wants to hear my version of Jingle Bells? It's about running through bloody fields chopping zombie heads off!

Wyatt: I wrote about eating Santa to the tune of "Up on the Rooftop!"

Haley and Cierra: We wrote about a rabid raccoon eating a toddler to Frosty the Snowman!

Shelby: *crazed grin directed towards me* I wrote about you in the Hunger Games murdering Katniss to the tune of "Jolly Old Saint Nicholas!"

Me: Oh yes, that would defiantly happen. *crazy cackle*

Teacher: ... None of you let the office get those papers, I don't want to be dragged to an Asylum with you all...

Us: *grins* No promises!

OC in this chapter; Shadow Stalker, Trapjaw

Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own The Chronicles of Narnia. Because if I did, a lot of people would die in horrendous ways, and the wolves would be good.

Code:

**Comm. Link**

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(Rec. Room, 7:30)

Shadow Stalker peacefully lay splayed out across the Rec. Room, watching The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. She had just gotten to the part where the White Witch was about to kill the noble lion, Aslan instead of Edmund.

"Dude! Kill the glitch! You're like twice her twig-like size! For Primus's sake lion! SHE'S GOT ICICLES HANGING FROM HER NOSE!" Shadow screeched at the TV, shooting up and cussing in a variety of languages at it.

"Uh, Shadow Stalker? What are you doing..?" Sideswipe asked, coming up from behind the seething femme.

"Watch," Shadow bluntly instructed, pointing at the TV as the White Witch stabbed Aslan and he let out a final roar.

"What?! Why didn't he just kill her? He's like twice her fragging size!" Sideswipe yelled, plopping down next to the Femme Commander on the floor.

"I slagging know right?" Shadow growled, crossing her servos over her chest with a scowl.

"Catch me up to speed?" Sideswipe asked, glancing up at the primarily black femme.

Shadow sighed, picked up the remote, and hit the menu button. She browsed through the menu, before hitting 'play from beginning' while Sideswipe watched with an arched optic ridge.

"Watch, and you'll be caught up to speed," Shadow stated, resuming her position of being splayed over the entire length of the couch. Sideswipe looked up, crawled to the middle of the couch, and sat down on Shadow's mid section like a child.

Shadow sighed heavily, allowing the gesture of affection for the moment. "This is a brother-sister thing, got it?" she vented.

Sideswipe chirped in reply, to engrossed in the movie to reply properly.

"Brother-sister love.. Brother-sister love.." Shadow chuckled, turning her helm to watch the movie for the 18th time in two days.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOooOoO

(Rec. Room, 10:30)

"Shadow Stalker?''

"...Shadow..."

"SHADOW STALKER!" Sideswipe screeched into the femme's audio antennae. Said femme jolted awake, flailing as she sent both herself and Sideswipe to the floor.

"Really?" Shadow growled, smacking Sideswipe alongside the helm lightly, "Femme was enjoying her recharge!"

"Femme needs to help me find a wardrobe," Sideswipe retorted, sniffling as he rubbed the side of his helm.

Shadow narrowed her optics, shaking her helm. "We are NOT."

Sideswipe gave his famous puppy dog pout, and Shadow watched him for a few minutes, her optics narrowed and her lip pulled up to reveal one of her pointed denta in a slight snarl.

"Pwease?"

"..I will regret this in the future.. Fine.."

"Thank you!" Sideswipe chirped, glomping the femme as the two fell to the floor just as Trapjaw walked in.

The white wolf's jaw fell as she watched the two. "Shadow!"

Shadow shoved Sideswipe off of her, sprinting out of the room screeching "Brother-sister love! Brother-sister love!"

Sideswipe and Trapjaw exchanged looks, and Trapjaw smirked.

"You naughty mech."

"She enjoyed it!"

"I'll enjoy telling Optimus."

"Frag you, TJ, Frag you!"

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOooOoO

(Sideswipe and Sunstreaker's Quarters: 12:00)

Shadow Stalker was installing a exact replica of the wardrobe from the movie in a corner as Sideswipe was perched on his berth, swinging his pedes as he sipped an Energon cube.

"Is it done?"

"Not yet."

"..Now?"

"No."

"How about now?''

"The quicker you shut up the quicker I'm done."

Sideswipe frowned, and instead began humming while waiting for it to be installed. A few minutes later, he asked again.

"..Shadow?"

"..No.."

"How about-"

"I'M FRAGGING FINISHED!" She hollered, stepping back and whipping the screwdriver at Sideswipe, who ducked just in time as it lodged into the wall behind him.

"You still going to Smokescreen for anger management?"

"..No. But I might consider going again because you're making me angry," Shadow shot back with a smirk.

Sideswipe raised his hands in defense, grinning like a lunatic. "Now we need a test subject."

"You're sharing a room with the test subject, Siders," Shadow replied.

"Sunny?"

"Bingo."

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOooOoO

(Sideswipe and Sunstreaker's Quarters, 12:30)

Shadow was patiently waiting behind the door for their target, while Sideswipe was being Sideswipe and jumping from berth to berth boredly. Finally, the target entered the room.

"Sideswipe, what to frag are you doing?" Sunstreaker growled, crossing her servos over his chest with a huff, glaring at his Twin.

"Berth jumping, but not the kind Jazz does!" Sideswipe replied with a grin, landing on Sunstreaker's berth and plopping down. Sunstreaker's optic twitched, and he spied the opened wardrobe. He cautiously started towards it, glancing at Sideswipe constantly.

Shadow Stalker grinned, and launched at Sunstreaker, tackling him from behind as she shoved him into the wardrobe, and locked it behind him.

Sideswipe dashed over to Shadow Stalker's side, bouncing on the spot excitedly. "Are you in Narnia"' he asked innocently, his optics wide with awe.

"When I brake through this wood, I'm strangling you Sideswipe! And whoever helped you!" Sunstreaker snarled, ramming into the wood.

"By now, you should know who it usually is," Shadow Stalker scoffed, "I'm offended Sunstreaker!"

"Does this mean there isn't a Narnia?" Sideswipe asked sadly, pouting.

At that moment, a yellow fist broke through the door, and was quickly replaced with a narrowed optic. "Start. Running."

''RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!" Sideswipe and Shadow chanted, prancing away and giggling like lunatics.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOooOoO

Haley gave me this idea when we shoved Wyatt into a closet during Clubs. XD Merry Christmas everyone!


	8. Why Tacticians Don't Play Dodgeball

**... I'm not sorry for this. At all. Bet no one can guess what I was playing when I came up with this!**

**OC's in this chapter: Shadow Stalker**

* * *

**Never Ask Prowl to Play Dodgeball**

_It was unusally quiet on the Ark today. Ratchet wasn't scolding anyone in Med Bay with the sound of a wrench to the helm soon following, Sunstreaker wasn't ranting and whining about a mini bot ruining his paint job, no sounds of cannon or Blaster fire could be heard from the shooting range, but most unerving of all, was no explosions were sounding in Wheeljack's lab, and Sideswipe wasn't anywhere to be seen._

_This had put Red Alert on high alert._

_The paranoid bot was currently rocking back an forth in a corner of the Security Room, sucking on his thumb and whimpering while watching all the moniters like a hawk. He had been on edge ever since there was no sign of the trio spawned from the Pits was no where to be found._

_"Red Alert?"_

_"NO!" Red screeched, jumping up and shooting under the counter while whipping his gun out and pointing it at the intruder._

_Inferno was lounging against the door frame, watching with a raised optic ridge as Red pointed the gun at him. "Put the gun down, Red."_

_"Knock next time why don't you?!" Red Alert spat, crawling out and stalking over to the mech to harshly jab a digit inot his chest._

_Inferno chuckled, bending down to look the Secruity Officer in the optics. "What got you all riled up?"_

_"What do you think?" Red growled, "Those three lunatics haven't been out and about at all!"_

_"...You mean the Twins and Shadow Stalker?"_

_"Nooo, I mean't Bumblebee, Brawn, and Cliffjumper. Of course I meant the Twins and that demon femme!" Red Alert practically screeched._

_"Now Red, they probably just took a break today," Inferno offered with a shurg._

_"Are you crazy!? They're probably plotting some crazy scheme to murder everybot!" Red yelled, throwing his arms out in distress._

_**Fizz Fizz click.** _

The camera feedback stopped as the black femme pressed a button on the remote. "And this, is why we're doing it." SHadow spun around in her chair, facing the Autobots she had agthered for this occasion.

Among the gathered Autobots were the normals: Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, Jazz, Bluestreak, Blaster, Hound, and Smokescreen. Shadow Stalker was pleasantly surprised when she noted today she had managed to gather a few more then the normals.

Bumblebee, Cliffjumper, Hoist, Brawn, Grapple, Ironhide (It's an amazing thought she had actually managed to pull him away from his precious cannons and the shooting range.), Cosmos, The Aerialbots, First Aid, Gears (This, too, was an amazing feat.), and a bunch of others she rather not take the time to list.

But two bots in particular had stunned the crowd when he walked in. Shadow had, somehow, managed to get Optimus Prime and Prowl to do her crazy scheme.

"Shadow Stalker, what in the Pits are you doing?" Prowl vented, his doorwings flicking up as he pinched his nasal ridge.

"Introducing a human game I have found very interesting," Shadow drawled, leaning back in the seat and spinning herself around in a circle.

"Very well. Let us start then," Optimus replied, venting.

* * *

(In The Shooting Range a few hours later)

Shadow tossed the metal ball in her hand experimentally. "Alright, here are the rules of the game. You throw these balls at the opponents on the opposite team, and if you catch a ball thrown at you, you stay in. A ball hits you and you don't catch it or you fail to catch it and it touches you, you're out. You can't cross this line here, or you're out. Headshots do not count! Team captains are me and Optimus. Now, time to pick players... PROWL'S ON MY TEAM!" Shadow sprinted over to the Tactician, latching onto him protectively.

Prowl stood awkwardly, flicking his doorwings as he looked down at the Femme Commander.

"Optimus, hon, you're turn."

"I pick Ironhide," Optimus coughed into his servo.

"JAZZ!"

"Blaster."

"Bluestreak and Sideswipe."

"Hound and Smokescreen."

The players continued to be picked until only First Aid and Suntreaker were left. Shadow mentally cringed, knowing she was going to get Sunstreaker.

"Your turn, Optimus."

"I pick First Aid," Optimus's voice boomed as he smirked under his battle mask.

"..Sunstreaker," Shadow forced out with a shiver. "You get five minutes to converse with your team before we start. Go!"

Prowl instantly perked up as Shadow strode over to him. "Prowler, this is basically a battle. We need your wonderful Tactician skills," the femme whispered to the Praxian. "Make me proud."

Prowl smirked, gathering up the team as he quickly discussed their strategy.

* * *

"Ready..set.. ATTACK!" Shadow hollered, sprinting forward with the rest of her team as they shot for the Cybetronian-sized dodgeballs. Optimus's team shot forward as well, and both teams collided over the projectiles.

Shadow snagged a ball, instantly shooting towards the back as she watched Prowl for the signal. Prowl shot off to the opposite corner the femme was in, nodding at her. The rest of Shadow's team retreated with their dodgeballs as they waited for Shadow's command.

Optimus's team drew back, and started throwing balls at them in a spastic motion. Optimus himself stood in the back, weary. His sparkmate was up to something. As soon as his team ran out of their balls, Shadow grinned broadly. All of her troops were armed and ready, and her sparkmate's team was helpless.

Prowl stood up straight, his wings flaring up into a perfect "V". That was the signal the black femme had been waiting for.

"Onslaught, forward!" Shadow hollered, her entire team going forward. They all marched up, standing at the line as Optimus's team backed up.

Prowl marched forward, taking command. "Draw back!" All the arm's went back and readied for launch.

Shadow and Prowl exchanged glances, before nodding sharply.

"RELEASE!"

A wave of death hurtled through the sky, and Ironhide moved to look up at Optimus."Optimus?"

"Yes, Ironhide?"

"...We get Prowl next time."

And that's when the balls collided into the unfortante mechs helm's.

* * *

Shadow and Prowl stood proudly, watching as all of Optimus's team went down with one simple move.

"Prowl?"

"Yes, Shadow Stalker?"

"You're offically my Second In Command for every game we play."


End file.
